If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Except in this case the kitchen is the only habitable place in the house and we are all stuck in it and have no other place to go. Despite God making the universe for our use and our delight, he made it pretty...
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God is one misogynistic fuck. It’s funny because women seem to still flock to religions more than men, on average. Why is God so anti-woman anyways? Why does God mandate everything from clothing them from head to toe in sackcloth to cutting off their labia? Why did he make childbirth so painful and make...
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Ever get an itch in your ear that was so deep that you couldn’t reach it? Well, remember that God designed you and put nerves inside of your ear that could itch. Then he put a bunch of delicate shit in there that could easily get broken if you try and scratch that itch....
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So here’s an interesting story about a Catholic man who got stuck in an elevator. He was scared. Very scared. All he wanted was to get out and feel free again. So after praying to God to set him free, God finally throws the poor sap a bone. The man, who was very religious...
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Look, I really hate to be the one to break the bad news to you. God hates you. He really does. Don’t worry though, he hates all of us, and it is very evident from his “design” of us that he was just playing a really cruel and stupid joke. The thing is certain...
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Imagine for a moment you are a nubile woman who is minding her own business. You met this great guy and you think things are really going to take off. He’s just so wonderful. Then God waltzes in and fucks up your life forever. What a guy! God doesn’t even come down himself to...
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Job was a peaceful, righteous, and successful man. He had many wives, a nice house, lots of children, and lived a comfortable life. God was looking down at this guy who pleased him, and knew what was coming. He was probably smiling sadistically to himself at all he was going to unleash on poor...
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God created the universe. He painstakingly crafted the universe and set all the variables just right, so that your mother is able to squeeze you out of her twat. He lovingly caressed the stardust and swirled up galaxies into existence, and created the Earth on which we sit. He mixed the atmosphere up by...
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I think it’s pretty clear by now that God’s an asshole. If there is one thing God likes to do it is to watch humans futilely try to work around his wonderful creation that he designed specifically for them. Next on the list: Pomegranates. Pomegranates are possibly one of the most useless fruit to...
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There’s one thing God made that truly makes him the biggest anal licker in existence. He created self-righteous tools to be his followers. You know the type. They come up pretending to be interested in your life only to deal you a deck of bullshit cards about how pathetic you are and how much...
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