God is one misogynistic fuck. It’s funny because women seem to still flock to religions more than men, on average. Why is God so anti-woman anyways? Why does God mandate everything from clothing them from head to toe in sackcloth to cutting off their labia? Why did he make childbirth so painful and make...
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Ever get an itch in your ear that was so deep that you couldn’t reach it? Well, remember that God designed you and put nerves inside of your ear that could itch. Then he put a bunch of delicate shit in there that could easily get broken if you try and scratch that itch....
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So here’s an interesting story about a Catholic man who got stuck in an elevator. He was scared. Very scared. All he wanted was to get out and feel free again. So after praying to God to set him free, God finally throws the poor sap a bone. The man, who was very religious...
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Hell is a place where God sends people to burn for eternity. He sends them there if they are on his naughty list. The problem with this set up is that it is really easy to be on the naughty list and the naughty list pretty much includes the vast majority of the world’s...
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It is said that prayer can move mountains. In reality, prayer is just a scam that God decided to run on humans. You see, God already knows everything, even things that have not happened yet, and since he can never be wrong, prayer does jack shit. God directly lied to his followers when he...
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Meet Jonah. The Bible tells us that Jonah was… well, actually, God didn’t think that Jonah’s life was important enough to talk about. All we know is that he apparently had a diaper fetish and ran away when big scary voices told him to do things. All in all he seemed like a sensible...
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Imagine for a moment you are a nubile woman who is minding her own business. You met this great guy and you think things are really going to take off. He’s just so wonderful. Then God waltzes in and fucks up your life forever. What a guy! God doesn’t even come down himself to...
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So after God rapes Mary and inserts himself into her womb, he then promptly goes onto a suicide mission. See, God can only do so much healing and feeding poor people before he starts to get really annoyed. Further, he knew he’d be coming back so it wasn’t technically a suicide mission. It was...
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Job was a peaceful, righteous, and successful man. He had many wives, a nice house, lots of children, and lived a comfortable life. God was looking down at this guy who pleased him, and knew what was coming. He was probably smiling sadistically to himself at all he was going to unleash on poor...
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Before Adam and Eve ate the fruit and doomed us all to God’s petulant wrath, sex always produced a child. Every single time. In fact, when Adam stuck it in and did his deed, afterwards, one sperm would come out, find its mark, and produce a child. The child, subsequently, would slide out of...
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