If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Except in this case the kitchen is the only habitable place in the house and we are all stuck in it and have no other place to go. Despite God making the universe for our use and our delight, he made it pretty...
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God is one misogynistic fuck. It’s funny because women seem to still flock to religions more than men, on average. Why is God so anti-woman anyways? Why does God mandate everything from clothing them from head to toe in sackcloth to cutting off their labia? Why did he make childbirth so painful and make...
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Ever get an itch in your ear that was so deep that you couldn’t reach it? Well, remember that God designed you and put nerves inside of your ear that could itch. Then he put a bunch of delicate shit in there that could easily get broken if you try and scratch that itch....
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So here’s an interesting story about a Catholic man who got stuck in an elevator. He was scared. Very scared. All he wanted was to get out and feel free again. So after praying to God to set him free, God finally throws the poor sap a bone. The man, who was very religious...
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Look, I really hate to be the one to break the bad news to you. God hates you. He really does. Don’t worry though, he hates all of us, and it is very evident from his “design” of us that he was just playing a really cruel and stupid joke. The thing is certain...
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Hell is a place where God sends people to burn for eternity. He sends them there if they are on his naughty list. The problem with this set up is that it is really easy to be on the naughty list and the naughty list pretty much includes the vast majority of the world’s...
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It is said that prayer can move mountains. In reality, prayer is just a scam that God decided to run on humans. You see, God already knows everything, even things that have not happened yet, and since he can never be wrong, prayer does jack shit. God directly lied to his followers when he...
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Meet Jonah. The Bible tells us that Jonah was… well, actually, God didn’t think that Jonah’s life was important enough to talk about. All we know is that he apparently had a diaper fetish and ran away when big scary voices told him to do things. All in all he seemed like a sensible...
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Imagine for a moment you are a nubile woman who is minding her own business. You met this great guy and you think things are really going to take off. He’s just so wonderful. Then God waltzes in and fucks up your life forever. What a guy! God doesn’t even come down himself to...
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So after God rapes Mary and inserts himself into her womb, he then promptly goes onto a suicide mission. See, God can only do so much healing and feeding poor people before he starts to get really annoyed. Further, he knew he’d be coming back so it wasn’t technically a suicide mission. It was...
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