Birth of Christ: God Becomes Deadbeat Dad
Imagine for a moment you are a nubile woman who is minding her own business. You met this great guy and you think things are really going to take off. He’s just so wonderful. Then God waltzes in and fucks up your life forever.
What a guy!
God doesn’t even come down himself to deliver the news. He sends some guy to do it for him. The angel is pretty crass too:
The angel said to her, “Don’t be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb, and bring forth a son, and will call his name ‘Jesus.’
You will do what I say, wench!
So here you have it. Not only does God not show up himself to inform Mary that he’s about to violate her personal space and privacy, he demands it, essentially. You will conceive a son. Mary can’t even name the child what she wants. She’s stuck with Jesus. Doesn’t Mary get a say in the matter?
To add insult to injury, how will Mary conceive? Oh, that’s easy. The angel explains:
Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, seeing I am a virgin?” The angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come on you.”
It really did happen like this.
I’m pretty sure Mary was thinking at this point, “Oh fuck, I didn’t sign up for bukkakke lessons!” Since God is feared, Mary keeps her mouth shut and smiles gracefully. That’s just the beginning of her nightmare.
God apparently doesn’t give a shit about our lives. He doesn’t seem to think it is so strange to waltz into a woman’s life, tell her she’s going to have a baby, and then impregnate her by having a spirit shoot a load onto her. I bet since God’s such an asshole, it was a money shot too.
What’s worse than all of this? God just waltzes back out of her life as easily as he came in. I guess God isn’t up to the task of helping raise a child. So Mary and Joseph had to put up with all of this on their own. You know how hard it is to wash Jesus when he can sit on water?
Mary could have used some advice from this book.
Mary, read this next time.
Yes, I’ll say it. God was a deadbeat dad. He shirked his responsibility and only came around during some big events (like Jesus’ baptism). Sure, some wise-men came around and gave Jesus some gifts, but after Mary bought all those killer shoes there wasn’t much left.
I think it’s clear by now that God it a giant asshole. He tells a woman he’s going to impregnate her through a messenger, gets her knocked up while she sleeps, and then runs out of town when it comes time to actually take care of the Son of God.
Seriously, who would follow such a loser?
I love this, I have been beating my head against a wall about why my son’s deadbeat dad lives the life of Riley, while we struggle day to day just for a haircut. State Attorney General does not enforce child support, the whopping $160.00 A month that is due on the first. Never comes, never mind. I was convinced God was an Asshole a long time ago, but I think he is a homo asshole! God is a homo asshole. Amen!!!
Yep,
I agree. God is the biggest asshole the Universe has ever seen. When we hurt others it’s called sin, but when you pray for deliverance and protection and he doesn’t step in, it’s called god has a purpose. I get sick of hearing “god loves you” and has a plan for your life. He is a sado. Anyone who deems that their children should suffer and shut the fuck up and not ask question when they are raped, suffering needlessly etc when all they want to do is love and be loved deffy equates to being a sado.